I’m eight months into being a mum and yes it’s tiring and yes, I never realised how much you could fit into one day until I had a kid, and the days go slow but the weeks and months go fast and everything turns into this bubble of craziness and love. However, there’s one thing I wasn’t expecting to be faced with when I fell pregnant and had Jax and that was the pure, overwhelming sense of guilt I experience over everyday tasks and responsibilities.
Last week I was at an event and found myself surrounded by mums, talking about the things they’d done with their babies that week; soft play, cooking, baby yoga, sign language, the zoo and a bunch of other activities. I stayed pretty quiet during this conversation because, in complete honesty, all I had done with Jax that week was take her with me while I worked out, walked her with the dog each day and played as a family in our house or garden. She’s eight months and, hands up, has never been to a soft play, the only babies she’s really met are the ones in her swimming class and she certainly doesn’t have any ‘baby friends’. I’ll admit it, I completely panicked that I’d fucked up.
I like to think I’m a good mum, she’s a smiley content little girl, she’s developing and learning and it’s only really when I’m around other mums that I feel this intense guilt and anxiety creep over me. “Am I affecting Jax by not taking her to these things?”, “Does she need to know babies her age, will she struggle socially?”, “Should she know baby sign language or have got her sensory class certificate?” I honestly don’t know the answer to these questions, which is why I wrote this post, to share with you guys that you can be doing it all or doing none of it and I honestly think you’ll always question yourself. So whatever you’re doing, be proud that you’re doing it, raising a little one is hard but the guilt is harder! So whatever you decide, just know that from one mum to another, you’re doing a fabulous job!