Have you ever had an orgasm? I’m throwing it out there because when has anyone actually asked you? I have, in all honesty only a handful of times, mostly on my own and mostly because I have always been too eager to please and too self-conscious to let go and say what I really want.

You’re not alone. If you’re about to tell me that you’ve had millions then I adore you and secretly want to come and observe what you do. If you’ve managed to have a couple or maybe a just a couple of ‘almosts’ then I applaud you. If you’ve never had one, I thank you for being honest…now let’s get you there.

I don’t understand sex. I never had an actual education in it, I mean how ridiculous is that? It’s something we all do yet we’re never fully educated in what to do and after all, that’s part of the magic. One, two people, three people or maybe more finding what makes themselves and someone else tick. It’s such a difficult thing. I mean how am I ever meant to get there if I’m panicking that I missed a patch of hair on my bikini line or I’m struggling to get as wet as in the movies.

I don’t know what makes you tick but I do know that you need to be honest. Honest with yourself about what you need, what you enjoy and what you want. You also need to let go of control, the more you try to control your body, your mind, the noises that come out of your mouth, the less in the moment you are and the less likely you are to ever finish.

I fully recommend doing some revision, I mean really doing some revision. It’s like in relationships, you can’t expect to be happy in a relationship if you aren’t happy on your own, make time to find out what works for you. Read books, sexy books, watch films, use the internet, for most women we need fantasy, a connection and to feel incredible – admit it, we’ve all turned into a Pornstar after an epic night of mojitos. The reason? You let go. Now if only we could find that without the mojitos and 4inch heels.

I know this isn’t my usual post but I’m so tired of living in a world where everyone apparently has fantastic sex when in truth I know it’s not that simple. So let’s be a little more honest from now on and perhaps we’ll all be smiling from head to toe a little more often.

Photo credit: Alexandra Cameron Photography.